As I spent time on social media, I began to feel a weight of expectations for my own life to match the life I was seeing of others. The more I strived to have the life I was seeing on social media, the less content I became and I began to question everything about myself. Finally, my husband called me out and I decided to fast social media and take my discontentment to the Gospel. Within a few days, I quickly realized that the content I was seeing seemed so scripted. Where was the authenticity? The more I prayed through my struggles, I felt the challenge to, in fact, live more "scripted", which brought me back to this blog I had created months prior. Except the “scripted” life I desire is one that is less scripted for likes and followers and more rooted in the Scripture—the Gospel, so that what I share with the world reflects the hope I profess, the grace I’m dependent on, and the glory of the Lord. As I prayed, I realized I wasn't the only person out there who desired this authenticity. I desire for this blog to be a safe place where others can come, just as they are, for genuine connection. I don't have it all together and I am tired of trying to. There is beauty in the simple, yet purpose-filled life. Grab a cup of coffee and stay a while. I pray that the Lord uses the words He gives me to encourage and give you hope along your path.
A couple nights ago I had to make a call to Wayfair customer service. My husband and I are building a home and we close next week (I know, perfect timing). When we sold our home and moved in with my father in law, we gave our headboard to him and decided to get a new one. I found a great one and ordered it—in the wrong size. The customer service representative worked diligently to try to cancel the order with no such luck, so she graciously extended a paid return once the bed is delivered. As she worked, she commented on how much she loved the headboard I chose and I explained our situation which led to a discussion about how she was doing amid the COVID-19 new normal and how much she loved southern hospitality. Her words, “I wish everyone across the country had a little more of that. You can’t beat it”. After I ended the call, my husband commented on how long I had talked to her. It felt good. I wasn’t in such a hurry to get the problem fixed that I missed the person on the other end of the line. Because of weeks of staying home, my spirit has settled in the reality that I have nothing but time. Time to ask the Wayfair representative about her dog and care what she says in return, not just to make small talk because those calls can sometimes be so awkward.
Several months ago, I had a tough conversation with a friend. Our relationship had become unintentionally strained and she confronted me about the way things had become. One of her text messages read, “You’ve changed”. Normally, these words would sting and feel harsh, but when I read them a peace settled in. I had changed, but not in a bad way. My priorities and viewpoint had shifted because of many circumstances I had experienced in 2019. I had my first child. My husband and I had decided I would stay home for a year with her, which was scary because I have had a job since I was 16. My husband took a new job and we put our home on the market. I walked through suffering with close friends and I lost my Grandmother, which rocked the foundation of who I am. “When things change inside you, things change around you”. I saw this quote Pinterest and it weighed heavy on my heart. I had changed and without notice my world around me began to shift with that change. As I pondered this quote, I thought about the world’s new normal due to COVID-19 and my conversation with the Wayfair representative. Things around us have changed, so things inside us have changed. Quarantine is either making people crazy or more content. We numb our daily lives with busy. We are constantly on the go in an instant gratification society, never in need of much because a few clicks can make sure we have it in two days—at the minimum. We strive and hustle and then wrap it up in a nicely in a social media post. If our lives are not constantly going, we feel lost because we can’t hide behind our busy. We have lost the beauty of just making do. I read many tweets about how COVID-19 has brought chaos. But I feel the opposite. Yesterday, I had to run to the grocery store, so I loaded up my Lysol wipes, soap, and bottle of water so I could wash my hands before getting in my car. As I packed it, I missed the lack of worry and preparation I use to feel when going to the store, part of me wondered if that would be my normal again. But this new slower pace has brought an awareness of the beauty in the simple things. I have read more books, taken more walks, and played more board games. I’ve cared less about frivolous things and seen how much I have. I’ve seen people be more generous and support one another out of sincere empathy and compassion. Most importantly, I’ve seen God and understood His nature much more clearly. The COVID-19 normal has made me grateful and learn to make do, finding so much more joy in that process than instant gratification. I also know how this new normal has affected people’s jobs. I want to life to go back to normal in that sense, to not affect the well-being of most people. But I want the mentality to remain. I don’t want to watch people so quickly go back to their busy, striving, desire for more and instant gratification. My hope is that the grace, humanity, and gratitude remain.
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Hi! I'm Morgan.Follower of Christ. Grace dependent. Wife. Mama. Homebody. Archives
July 2020
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