As I spent time on social media, I began to feel a weight of expectations for my own life to match the life I was seeing of others. The more I strived to have the life I was seeing on social media, the less content I became and I began to question everything about myself. Finally, my husband called me out and I decided to fast social media and take my discontentment to the Gospel. Within a few days, I quickly realized that the content I was seeing seemed so scripted. Where was the authenticity? The more I prayed through my struggles, I felt the challenge to, in fact, live more "scripted", which brought me back to this blog I had created months prior. Except the “scripted” life I desire is one that is less scripted for likes and followers and more rooted in the Scripture—the Gospel, so that what I share with the world reflects the hope I profess, the grace I’m dependent on, and the glory of the Lord. As I prayed, I realized I wasn't the only person out there who desired this authenticity. I desire for this blog to be a safe place where others can come, just as they are, for genuine connection. I don't have it all together and I am tired of trying to. There is beauty in the simple, yet purpose-filled life. Grab a cup of coffee and stay a while. I pray that the Lord uses the words He gives me to encourage and give you hope along your path.
Space, Time, & Grace is not just the title for this blog, but it is a way I have learned to live life. It is no secret that our culture is fast-paced, which leaves little room for being still, waiting, or extending grace easily. Because all of those things take something, we do not feel like we have. Time. Personally, that is a statement I often make, “Sorry. I do not have the time”. Do not get me wrong, sometimes I am busy, but other times, it is simply the fact I feel I cannot keep up with the pace of life. There is a push for instant and I am exhausted.
A few years ago, I was on a Max Lucado kick. I could not get enough of the words God was speaking through him. The first book I read was, You’ll Get Through This. I began reading this book during a difficult season I was experiencing and as I read the book, it was as if Max Lucado knew my situation and was speaking directly to me. A bonus was that the tone in his writing made me feel as if I were sitting on the porch with a grandfather who was dropping some wisdom on me. (Not saying that Max Lucado is old. Insert foot in mouth. Age brings wisdom. Yeah.) Needless to say, I could not wait to read another one of his books. The season I was in went from being difficult to seemingly impossible. It was a season of waiting, but I was feeling pressure to end the wait. Therefore, becoming incredibly discontent with what was or was not happening and what could possibly happen in the future. Enter Max Lucado book number two, He Still Moves Stones. The book encouraged me, in the midst of a situation that was stagnant. The book spoke the truth that God was the God of miracles and that He had the power to move, even in the most stubborn hearts. However, it was one line from this book that shifted my spirit and perspective, not only about this situation, but the perspective I had concerning the course of my life. “What if Jesus had disowned them? Or worse still, what if he’d suffocated his family with his demand for change? He didn’t. He instead gave them space, time, and grace”. -Max Lucado I realized then that the sentiment of space, time and grace was played a crucial role throughout my life. Space, time, and grace guided me through three of the most challenging seasons and valleys I have walked through. Let me explain.
I met my best friend when I was five, on my first day of Kindergarten. And, naturally, we were like daylight and dark. She was gentle and constant while I was rough and unpredictable. But, it worked. I adored her gentle yet strong disposition (even though I never told her that). She had a big heart and her smile radiated the light within her. Then at eighteen years old, she was gone. She went home to our Heavenly Father. It was in that moment my world grew dark and yet, that moment was the first time I knew, for certain, that God was real (I will post the details of the story in a later post). You see, Whitney loved the Lord and she radiated His love to everyone around her. All those years, I intently watched her.Everything she did fascinated me, because she lived a life so that and set apart. I would go along with the Bible stories and I even learned to sing along to her favorite Christian songs. However, it was all surface level. I did not truly understand it. After her death, I wrestled with God. He met me in the church on the day of her funeral. I remember, so clearly, standing in the cemetery and feeling the wind. There were tons of people around me, but I felt like I was standing alone. I saw no one around me. As I stood there with warm tears streaming down my face, something came into my spirit, it was God, but I was reluctant to accept His offer. Mainly because I did not know how, and I was angry. That was the beginning of many troublesome years. My journey and decisions were destructive. So, as years passed, I was sure He would not want me after all I had done, so I continued to run until I became too tired to keep going. I needed relief from the pain I was feeling. I needed the angst in my heart to disappear. I was suffocating. I hit rock bottom, but that is where God was waiting to pick me up. He met me the same way He did in the cemetery that day, except this time when He met me, I saw Him through a different lens. That day I saw Whitney. I recalled all the times I would mess up, but she would love me anyway. I recalled all the times I hurt her by my actions, but she forgave me anyway. No matter what I did or how far I ran from her friendship, she would be there waiting for me. Whitney saw the ugliest parts of me, and she loved me, not only despite those parts but because of them. She gave me space, time, and grace. Because of her example, the light she let shine, I was able to understand God’s love for me and accept Him as my savior.
The occurrence of space, time, and grace in our relationship came about before he was my husband. You see, the moment I met Michael, I felt in my spirit that he would be my husband. Michael, on the other hand, did not know that. We will say he was not quite in the marriage mindset. We dated for about six months when the conversation happened that every girl hopes against. I think I need a break. While I was somewhat blind-sided, my discernment prepared me weeks earlier as I felt in my spirit that something was off. Nevertheless, I was devastated. Plus, the terms Michael desired for the break were not black and white, there was lots of gray area that I could not understand or navigate through. Really, God? You speak to me that he will be my husband and then take it away. How could you do this? As soon as the question left my lips, I heard God whisper, Wait. After much prayer, that is exactly what I did. The months that followed there were many ups and downs as we navigated through this season. We still talked and had dinner, occasionally. Yet, he was emotionally unavailable, which is my love language. The whole process was uncomfortable. More accurately, it was painful. The choice I made to wait on Michael was one that confused many people I was close to. Naturally, we live in a world where assertiveness and control take precedence over gentleness and patience. Our culture is one of instant gratification. We do not wait for much of anything without becoming annoyed in the process. However, the Bible uses the word wait approximately 106 times throughout the scriptures. Waiting on the Lord is important. Still, I can hear the criticism and questions I faced during that season. So, you are just going to ALLOW him to control how this goes? Tell him y’all can either be together or nothing. While I understand that most of the people felt that their criticism was showing that they cared for me, more often the criticism left me in a dark place, questioning God. A place I did not like to be in. Because, in that place I would make decisions based on others opinions of my situation, rather than trusting in God’s timing and instruction to wait. So, I shut the world out and pressed into God. It was in that season that I read the line from He Still Moves Stones and when space, time, and grace became real. There was a night that I literally fell on my face before the Lord. At that moment, there was ugly crying and I am pretty sure He heard more gasps than words, but I poured my heart out to Him. At that moment, I decided that if I was going to choose to wait, I was going to do it well and with conviction. I was not going to be swayed by others but stand firm in my faith. God shifted something in my spirit that night. From that moment forward, I walked out what He had spoken to me. That is when things began to change. Slowly and steadily, I watched God move in Michael’s heart. His defenses softened. Now every day was not easy, but I refused to be defeated because I knew God was fighting for me. He was doing more within Michael in my stillness than I could do through ultimatums and promptings. I finally gave Michael space, time, and grace. And now, we are approaching our one year marriage anniversary December 16th. One of the clearest moments of my wedding day, I was standing in the hallway waiting for the ceremony to start. My step-dad whispered to me, “Do you remember a few years ago when you were crying on the porch and you said to me, “I believe God just wants me to wait for him”? Well, sweetheart, I think you made a really good decision”. I stood there in awe, hearing the worship music play, and rejoicing in all God had done. Space, time, and grace is NOT going to be easy to give. But, that space, time, and grace is how he loves us. It is a sentiment that changes hearts.
Several years ago, about a year after I had been saved, I heard some words that I thought were crazy. I can still remember exactly where I was, when I close my eyes, I can put myself back in that place.The feel, sounds, sights, and smells. I was sitting outside Starbucks with a friend. We were deep in conversation when a stranger walked up to our table. He introduced himself, told us he was a pastor at a local church and said, “I know this may seem strange, but God has instructed me to tell you something”. Whaattt?! At this point in my salvation, I was still wrapping my head around lots of new truths of the gospel, so someone HEARING God’s voice. Yes, it was strange. However, because I was completely blindsided, I responded that he could tell me. “You’re going to write. That is your future”. At this point in my life, I had enrolled at Jacksonville State, pursuing my degree in education, specifically English. So, his words did not seem crazy anymore, that is exactly what I was pursuing. Purpose accomplished, or so I thought. The years continued to pass, and something began to be birthed in my spirit, to write. I felt this desire and call, but I had no idea what that looked like. That is when God begins to place people in my life who would recommend that I begin a blog. HA! That seemed like a joke to me. I loved writing. I loved words. But, it was something I did because it felt good, that is it. Most of what I wrote, I did not even allow others to read because I was convinced, I was not enough. Actually, I am not enough. But, God. The more people mentioned putting my words out there for others to read, the more this desire in my spirit to write grew. However, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I can be quite good at ignoring what God is asking. I can rattle off a list of a thousand reasons why God surely cannot use me and normally those reasons win the battle. But, they can never win the war because God always has the final word. Anytime I choose to ignore what God is asking of me, he ALWAYS puts something in my path so that I cannot ignore him any longer. He worked like this… I was meeting in a small group in the fall of 2017 at Starbucks. Remember the man I told about at the beginning of this section? The one who said the Lord told him I would write? Well, as a small group meeting came to an end, I looked up to see him walking in the door. Instantly, his words came to mind and I heard God say it, Write. Share. Trust Me. When I saw the man, I told my small group leader the story, but quickly brushed it off. Again. This summer I took a new job. While in meetings to prepare for the new position, I met a lady who had also just been hired. She was very nice, but we were not going to be working at the same school. I spoke with her a few times but since we would not be at the same school and did not have the same content area we did not talk much. However, for some reason she resonated with me. After I began my position, I was encouraged to create a professional Twitter, as that is a way my system shares in our progress. I did not know many people, so I created the Twitter and that was it. One day I received a notification that the lady from the summer meetings started to follow my page. When I saw her picture, I instantly clicked to view her profile. The last tweet on her page was a picture of her and her husband. And who do you think her husband was? Yep. The man with the words from the Lord. I heard God say it again, Write. Share. Trust Me. The saying is the third time is the charm, right? Well, even after both these encounters, I still ignored God. Once the school year started, I was overwhelmed. Between finding my place in my new position, beginning my second semester of graduate school, and finding out I was expecting, I found it hard to find the time or brain space for much of anything. Soon, I found myself in a tough situation that was out of my control. One evening I went to Target to pick up a few items and decided a Starbucks coffee would help me feel better. The line was long and my mind was in a million different places. The longer I stood in line, the louder a voice from behind me became. I was not even hearing the words of the person, but their voice echoed in my mind. I tried to block it out and I could not. Finally, I decided to turn around. Standing in line, a few people behind me, stood that same man. Once I saw him, I suddenly could not hear him talking anymore. I just heard God say, Write. Share. Trust Me. That is the night I went home and looked up the blog I had created so flippantly several months before. I found the initial post I had written that summer, ignored the voice of insecurities, and trusted God with the words he had given me. God gave me space, time, and grace to receive his calling. I can now recall tons of times since the idea of space, time, and grace entered my life, that the sentiment has impacted me. As the world around us continues to urge us to go faster, push harder, and take control, I feel a pull deep inside me to slow down and look up. Through every moment, I see why Jesus chose space, time, and grace to handle a tough situation and why it had the greatest impact. Because, it is Gods way of drawing us to himself.
2 Comments
Aunt Jana
12/7/2018 09:23:05 am
Morgan Leigh, this is wonderful. I needed this because I am struggling with something that I need to give space, time and grace to, yes, it is hard to do that, I am impatient. Love you much !!
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Lacy
12/7/2018 11:24:33 am
THIS! Each one of your blogs so far have taken my breath away but this one ❤️ I can't put into words how much your love for God has helped me see things differently. You have a way of looking at daily experiences we all can have and seeing God's Grace in each moment so intensely. I just love it! You open my eyes in so many ways and I've always appreciated that about you so dearly.
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Hi! I'm Morgan.Follower of Christ. Grace dependent. Wife. Mama. Homebody. Archives
July 2020
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