As I spent time on social media, I began to feel a weight of expectations for my own life to match the life I was seeing of others. The more I strived to have the life I was seeing on social media, the less content I became and I began to question everything about myself. Finally, my husband called me out and I decided to fast social media and take my discontentment to the Gospel. Within a few days, I quickly realized that the content I was seeing seemed so scripted. Where was the authenticity? The more I prayed through my struggles, I felt the challenge to, in fact, live more "scripted", which brought me back to this blog I had created months prior. Except the “scripted” life I desire is one that is less scripted for likes and followers and more rooted in the Scripture—the Gospel, so that what I share with the world reflects the hope I profess, the grace I’m dependent on, and the glory of the Lord. As I prayed, I realized I wasn't the only person out there who desired this authenticity. I desire for this blog to be a safe place where others can come, just as they are, for genuine connection. I don't have it all together and I am tired of trying to. There is beauty in the simple, yet purpose-filled life. Grab a cup of coffee and stay a while. I pray that the Lord uses the words He gives me to encourage and give you hope along your path.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -Galatians 1:10
People-pleasing has always been an issue for me. When I was young I discovered that there was seemingly less tension around me if I learned how to act in a way that was pleasing to whomever I was around, which I believed led to less anxiety for myself. Like a chameleon, I would shift my likes, dislikes, attitudes, and opinions based on who I needed to please in the moment, so much so that I never knew who Morgan was. Who I was became the sum total of whoever I needed to be to keep the peace. Peace that was actually an allusion because the type of people that make you feel like you have to please them will never be at peace themselves much less allow you to feel peace until you set boundaries. I’m slowly learning it is okay to find out who I am and it is okay like that person. And, it is okay if all the people I have always tried to please never approve. God has taken me on a journey to discover that peoples opinions of me are rarely rooted in the truth of what He says about me. The opinions rather magnify the truth about others and their own biases, insecurities, or laundry list of other reasons. I am learning that I do not have to let those opinions define me. I do not have to shut down and hide from the world because of the sting those opinions can cause. People did not always like Moses or David or Stephen or Paul. People didn’t always like JESUS. Yet they walked confidently because they knew that God approved them and trusted the calling on their lives. They had influence. The way they lived their lives made others think more deeply about their own lives. However, has often seen, when others live in a way we do not understand or that challenges our way of doing things, we reach for criticism. These men were speaking the truth and that truth was going to convict people. So the people who felt convicted, they criticized. The people who felt threatened, they criticized. When the position or control we think we have gets becomes threatened, we criticize. For years I have allowed the idea of gaining approval of others to drive me and their disapproval to derail me. And that is exactly why this blog has been untouched and unshared for so many months. Sure, I felt that God called me to share the words he was giving me, but what would people think? Some days I could not form a sentence because I was trying to write for approval, not for the soul. I have learned that whenever I make what God asks me to do about me, it falls apart. It doesn’t matter what certain people think. It doesn’t matter what thy might say about me behind closed doors. Because God told me to do it, and saying no because I care more about the approval of man is a rough place to land. A couple weeks ago I called a friend to help me sort through my frustrations about what God was doing or not doing in my life. She listened intently and waited for me to finish before she calmly said, “Morgan, I think you aren’t hearing God give you direction because He has already told you what he wants you to do and you told Him no”. I had shared with my friend that weeks prior I told God I would not write another thing down. Not in my journal, not on a social media sight, and most certainly not on a blog. I felt overwhelmed by criticism and sharing any part of the journey I was experiencing with God made me feel exposed. I could hear the critiques in my head. I could see the eye rolls. I did not want to sign up for that. But, the writing I have been asked to do has nothing to do with me. It’s a call to give Jesus to people. It’s a call to not spend the little bit of time I have here on myself. It is about surrendering my comfort for anything. Mountain high or valley low and writing it all down along the way. I do not have clever words or a fun, tidy Jesus to share with you. The words He gives me will not fit Him nicely into a box. The places He is taking me are beyond where I can touch. It feels terrifying and completely freeing all at the same time. I am convinced that I am not the only person wanting to see and experience more of the table turning Jesus. The fire is in full blaze and the refinement has already begun as the layer of desiring the approval of man melts away. I have no idea what is next, but I will be obedient to not hold back from sharing all about it when He asks me to. Looking ahead to the upcoming year I only have one focus, “Throw off your sin and all that is hindering you. Run your marked race. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus” (Romans 12:1-3). I do not want the refinement He has begun to end. While difficult, I have felt Him weeding out the parts of me that I didn’t even realize needed to go. He has challenged my perspective on all things and opened my eyes in wonder to all that He is. Not our cultures version of Him or the version of Him that fits nicely in a clever social media post, but the version of Him that prayed for me even before He took on the ultimate suffering for my sake. (Who does that?) To know Him and experience Him in a way I never have, I have to be willing to surrender in a way I never have. My only goal is to keep my eyes fixed on Him so that the world, and all it pretends to offer, continues to become dim. So this is my first step of trusting Him in the anything at the sake of everything.
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Hi! I'm Morgan.Follower of Christ. Grace dependent. Wife. Mama. Homebody. Archives
July 2020
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